Friday, January 29, 2010

Who are you, of the three Marys I adore ? Mother (Bethlehem), Sister (Magdalene) or Beloved (Bethany).

Where should I seek the answer ?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell upon me." (Romans 15:3).
That was your message for me today. Dear Mother, why do you love me, knowing that I donot deserve your love.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Second Visit

Most Holy Mother.

I came to you today-19/01/2010. I was worried that my eyes had merely imagined what my very being had yearned for so long to behold. And you know, Mother, that you are part of my being.

But after teasing me for a while, You revealed yourself again. I saw you again, my beloved mother. This time I saw your body undulate as if from a heavenly breeze. Only your glorious face remained steady and radiant. And the expression on your face baffled me. Never have I seen a face look like that. I still have not the faintest clue how those myriad expressions co-existed on your face.

I do not understand your meaning. I do not understand your cryptic smile at the end. I do not understand what divine message you are trying to make me understand.

Mother, my training is in science. I have always held that faith applies only to the ever diminishing domain that science slowly but steadily uncovers. And now you have left me confused. Logic tells me this cannot be. But my heart is moved beyond logic, beyond words. Your love makes me feel worthless.

I left early today. I need to think. I need to analyze. But for real answers I will have to come to you, Theotokos

What I experience now is way beyond me.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Third day.

I have stayed away from you for three days. The memory is still too fresh in my mind. The effulgence lingers unfaded.

Let it fade. Maybe it was just a hallucination conjured up by a mind fixated upon you.

I will wait.

And wait.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Mother.

I have not dared to come to you since that blessed day. I am afraid I might not see you again. And if I do see you, how can I leave you.

So I live with the memory of your magnificent transformation. How your face and body changed as you stood before my startled eyes. Maybe some day I can find words to describe that which transcends words.

I do not believe in physical apparitions. Such a thing cannot be. So what happened to me on that fateful day. Were you teaching me something about the powers invisible to the mortal eye. Of a Realm a man may witness only momentarily.
And only through the anguish of true Prayer.

Your son said "I do not receive honor from men" (John 5:41). With all respect Mother, I paraphrase, I do not Seek honor from men. I have nothing to prove.

Why did you bless me with your glory. Since that day I have not been the same. I yearn to see you again. Days and Nights mean nothing anymore. All I want is to behold your sacred countenance again for all time.

You have been with me always. I have heard your voice of love and reprimand for such a long time without realizing what it was. It took me such a long time to discover you. And for you to converse with me directly.

But, to See you again. That is my dream and hope.

My life cannot be the same any more. Do not abandon me.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Vision

Most Glorious Mother.

Today ---14-1-2010
You revealed yourself to me,
For the first time.
After about fifty years of search and prayer.

Most Holy Mother,
My one and only Mother
You granted me the miracle of yourself.

I saw you, as you wanted me to see you.
I saw your lips move in a faint, amused smile.
Never have I even imagined such pure beauty.

Then, Dear Mother, I saw you transform.

I saw you as three
I saw you as one
I saw one aspect smile
The other remained steadfast

There were noises all around.
Vehicles, humans,
But the glory of your silent smile eclipsed them all.

My one and only mother
I bow to you.
I still cannot believe that I did indeed see you
In all your splendour.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Sin and Punishment

Holy Mother.

I have fallen out of your grace,
I no longer hear your sweet voice
I no longer feel the effulgence of your all embracing love
I see pity, and sympathy on your face.

My own mother
My only mother,
I do not seek pity
Nor do I seek sympathy.

But without your love I cannot survive.
I am your son, and your son only.
I do not demand your love.
I beseech your love.
For without your love, daughter of Anne,
I am no more.

Have I sinned.
No doubt I have.
Mother of my dreams,
Mother ethereal
I do not ask you to forgive me
I seek not atonement
I seek not absolution
I seek not pardon

Punish me.
But my dear Mother
Do not cease to love me

For,
Without your love I cannot survive.