Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I am willing

"I am willing, be cleansed" (Mark 1:41).
God never denies His benevolence to anyone, however unclean. Paul tells his story specically mentioning the death of Stephen. (Acts22:18-21). The Lord ignores all that and commands him to depart immediately from Jerusalem to save himself.
Even the murderer and the abettor of murder is allowed to be cleansed. (Not quite a good idea but that is how it is written).

"Go and sin no more" (John 8:11). Again He is willing to forgive on condition that no more sin will be committed.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Loss of Faith

That is right. Faith with a capital F.

What is faith but unreasoning acceptance. Like axioms. Like God. Things beyond logic, beyond question. Because once questioned they lose their mask of infallibility. And who wants a God full of frailties and contradictions.

Considered without passion, what is God but a bundle of contradictions and incompatibilities. Why ? Because (s)he is God, beyond mortal comprehension. How convenient !

Because then you can say anything. Just make it sound good. Like God is Love. Whicb of course means nothing, but sounds like it means something. And it sounds good even if it means nothing.

So Mother, you showed me Immanuel (Mathew 1:21- Isiah 7:14 ) and led me to Bethlehem (Mathew 2:6 - Micah 5:2) and then let me down with a bang.

Mother, you look so sad these days. You seem to be in agony over something. The floodgates which opened crispily were provincially sealed tight again as ordained.

I understand your plight. You are nothing but a vessel. A clean and immaculate vessel, but a mere vessel nevertheless. A sad conduit for greater things (Luke 1:38), a mere maidservant. I hear your lament in Luke 1:38.

Daughter of Anne, I am with you. For me you are The One. The Transcendental Mother. Eternity manifest as the Divine Beauty of the human female.

I bow before you. My Mother and Teacher.
Today again I came to you
In spite of my decision yesterday that I will not come to you again
No tyranny for me, thank you,  man made or divine.

Mother,
You are Divine
I am Human
You are all-knowing
I don't even know what I don't know
I need help
You are the fount of succor

So what do you mean by testing me so harshly.
Maybe I displeased You
Then, why don't you say so !!
I would, you know.
But then I am not You.

I am your toy
You play with me as a cat plays with its victim.

And I have realized another thing.

Get too close to God and you get burnt to ashes.
Because  God delights in devouring His own,
And then puts the blame on others.

If this is blasphemy,
Go ahead, punish me.