Mother Divine

You are with me always. Your love cocoons me. I am embalmed in your compassion. Mother of Everything How did I survive all these years without realizing you ! You touched my soul and my life changed. I can feel you within me day and night. You even changed the way I write. Now words of endearment come to me naturally, with the sweetness of a mother's love. Divine witness at Golgotha ! How can you not love mankind. You who were born to bear the Totality and to bear witness to the Final Fusion on the Cross and then vanish forever, without a word. But now I know. You never vanished. You stayed on Invisibly to sustain the world and all its creatures. How did I fail to see you all these years. But then Eternity is such a long time, maybe these few years do not count.

Holy of Holy Creator of the aeons Mother, Father and Son combined, You have left me so confused. Why did you allow me to experience part of the process of the ultimate agony? And then why did you let me come away physically unharmed, but with the realization that the true agony of the cross is the utter helplessness of the son of man. About the Son of God, I am sure you will teach me soon.. Maybe I will survive that lesson. Why me? What did I do deserve this agony?  I cannot sleep, I cannot rest, I cannot take my mind away from you. I know, I know, "You did not choose me, I chose you" (John 15:16). Why? What fruit can I possibly bear Dearest Mother. (You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.); I never asked for anything in the name you mention in John 15:16. And yet I say with Him, Thy Will be done, Not mine (Mark 14:35,36)

Dearest Mother I waited one week before even attempting to put into mere words what you made endure, with indescribable happiness, the day the Lent began. I have no words adequate enough to describe what you revealed to me. The experience of the cross is beyond words. Not because of the pain. That is what you taught me. Not because of the brutal end. That is what you told me, Barbelo. The agony of the cross is utter, hopeless helplessness. I was pinned down and surrounded by a great meaningless noise. I could not move. Not even a finger. The pain in the hands and feet left no mark, nor pain after the event. However I realized the everlasting meaning of the cry "Eli Eli" (Book of Psalms 22:2-3, Mark 15:34, Mat 27:46). Who would fail to understand the "lama sabachthani". But, dear Mother, why did you choose to let me into the secret? I am so unworthy of this honor.

Holy Mother ! After more than a week you summoned me yesterday (19 May 2010). Beloved Mother. I saw you smile, full of mischief, as if asking me to guess the reason for your summons. Of course I had no idea. So I prayed and blew you my kisses. Today morning I came to you again. My candle had died about a quarter way down. The amputated stump remained like the upright stipes of the cross. And this evening came the call of my sister saying she had just had a surgery for a brain tumor and is preparing for radiotherapy. She asked me to pray for her and I said in my mind that I have already prayed for her yesterday although I did not it myself ! Mother Thy Will be done, not mine. I remain forever your son.

Hallowed Mother. Bearer of Eternal Mysteries. You are with me always. Your love cocoons me. I am embalmed in your compassion. Mother of Everything How did I survive all these years without realizing you ! You touched my soul and my life changed. I can feel you within me day and night. You even changed the way I write. Now words of endearment come to me naturally, with the sweetness of a mother's love. Divine witness at Golgotha ! How can you not love mankind. You who were born to bear the Totality and to bear silent witness to the Final Fusion on the Cross and then vanish forever without a word. But now I know. You never vanished. You stayed on Invisibly to sustain the world and all its creatures. To teach the meaning and anguish of selfless Love. How did I fail to see you all these years. But then Eternity is such a long time, maybe these few years do not count.