Saturday, March 19, 2011

continuum

Holy of Holy
Creator of the aeons
Mother, Father and Son combined,
You have left me so confused.

Why did you allow me to experience part of the process of the ultimate agony?
And then why did you let me come away physically unharmed, but with the realization that the true agony of the cross is the utter helplessness of the son of man. About the Son of God, I am sure you will teach me soon.. Maybe I will survive that lesson.

Why me? What did I do deserve this agony?  I cannot sleep, I cannot rest, I cannot take my mind away from you. I know, I know, "You did not choose me, I chose you" (John 15:16). Why? What fruit can I possibly bear Dearest Mother. (You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.); I never asked for anything in the name you mention in John 15:16.

And yet I say with Him, Thy Will be done, Not mine (Mark 14:35,36)

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Experience

Dearest Mother
I waited one week before even attempting to put into mere words what you made endure, with indescribable happiness, the day the Lent began. I have no words adequate enough to describe what you revealed to me. The experience of the cross is beyond words. Not because of the pain. That is what you taught me. Not because of the brutal end. That is what you told me, Barbelo.

The agony of the cross is utter, hopeless helplessness. I was pinned down and surrounded by a great meaningless noise. I could not move. Not even a finger. The pain in the hands and feet left no mark, nor pain after the event. However I realized the everlasting meaning of the cry "Eli Eli" (Book of Psalms 22:2-3, Mark 15:34, Mat 27:46). Who would fail to understand the "lama sabachthani".

But, dear Mother, why did you choose to let me into the secret? I am so unworthy of this honor.