Friday, December 17, 2010

The Call

Today, after a long time, you called me, Mother.
I have no choice when you call. I left what I was doing and came to you.
You looked anxious.  Very lovely, very lonely and very anxious.
What is bothering you. What disaster is about to happen.

I worship you for yourself, not for your son, nor for his father.
My adoration is for you and for you alone, beloved Mother.
I cannot fathom the depth for your love, nor that of your knowledge, Cosmic Mother.
I crave peace, and I know You will grant me that someday. The eternal peace of  your bosom.

It is within your power to grant anything.
Peace, among other things.
Why did you call me today ?
What do you want me to do ?

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Infinite

Holy Mother

I dissolve in You.
Body, mind and soul.

Not like a drop of water in the ocean,
because the ocean is limited.
Nor like a grain of sand in the desert,
for the desert has boundaries.

You are Infinite.

Not like the Infinite of mathematics,
for that is lifeless
Nor like the Infinite of possible living beings,
For they do not include the non-living.

You are the Creator, whom nobody created.
You are the breath of life, although you are alive and not-alive.

I pray to thee, for the Glory of your vision,
Why you chose me, I do not know.
But then, I never had any choice.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Rock and Fortress

Mother Dear
What better message could you give me !!
"Be my strong refuge, to which I may resort constantly.
You have given the commandment to save me
For you are my rock and my fortress"
(Psalm 71:3)

Sweet Mother of the world and all the universes
How do you know what I seek !!

But then you mothered the son of God.

Friday, August 13, 2010

I live in you
I breathe in you
I will eventually perish in you
Mother, Sister, Friend and Beloved.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Holy Mother
I can only pray
That is the curse of mankind
That is also the blessing.

Take care of your chidren

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Mother of my Dreams
How could I ever have doubted you !
You restored my sister

Were you testing me, dear Mother
I bow to you
Preserve her.
She is is your gift to this world of Now.

And my luck that she is my guide.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Most Holy Mother
I thank you for everything
Material or of the spirit

You removed my Sister and Guide from me. Is it because you wish me to be alone in my quest. So be it.

But she remains forever with me as my friend, guide and mentor.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Holy Mother
Dearest of all Creation
My mentor

I am baffled.
What went wrong with Your Son's teachings over the two millennia ?
Correct me if I am wrong:
He taught about love, didn't He ? (John 13:34-35)
Wasn't that the foundation of the New Covenant ?
My Dear Mother, why do You test me so much !

You know I am not a Christian in the conventional sense. You know, virgin birth, resurrection and all that.

Maybe I am a Neo-Christian. A new kind of people following what the Nazarene taught. He was a great teacher. But, as after the Old Testament, two millennia have passed by. May be we need an expansion of His teachings. After all, that is what He himself said.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Most Holy Mother
On 3rd June 2010 you granted me what I had been asking you for so many years
But I had never Imagined You would be so graphic.

I have asked you so many times what you felt on Golgotha.
I only asked you what You felt watching the crucifixion of your own son
I never asked to be with you, Mother of God.

But you took me and placed me near you, and made me watch the torment on the cross.
I heard everything but I don't know the language, so I didn't understand what they said, the soldiers, the 'multitude'.
But language is not needed to understand the thorns, the nails, the spurting blood, warm and full of torment.
Nor the timeless cry "Eloi", (Why Eloi, Why not the Eli I am familiar with ?)

And now I know Mel Gibson got most of it wrong. But I am not free to describe what I saw and heard.

Dear Mother, I only asked you what You felt on that fateful day. Only what You felt.

Ave Maria

Friday, May 21, 2010

Dear Mother
You taught me

You gave my soul whatever little peace it has ever known
I thank you
For Your kindness and for Your punishments

I know you are trying to make a good person
No human has succeeded in that
But You, my beloved Mother, are not human.

Ave Maria
Hail Mary

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Holy Mother !
After more than a week you summoned me yesterday (19 May 2010). Beloved Mother. I saw you smile, full of mischief, as if asking me to guess the reason for your summons. Of course I had no idea. So I prayed and blew you my kisses.

Today morning I came to you again. My candle had died about a quarter way down. The amputated stump remained like the upright stipes of the cross.
And this evening came the call of my sister saying she had just had a surgery for a brain tumor and is preparing for radiotherapy. She asked me to pray for her and I said in my mind that I have already prayed for her yesterday although I did not it myself !

Mother Thy Will be done, not mine. I remain forever your son.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Divine Mother
I wander away from you
And my heart is ready to break

I see you
But I get no peace

Have I offended you ?
Have you denied me
Your Grace, Your love, Your peace

Am I,as you once told me, a hypocrite ?
Show me the path to redemption

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Holy Mother
I am beginning to feel the weight of my love for you
I think people have started saying I am a nut
You are with me all the time now
So I don't care, Beloved Mother

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Whoever you are
Wherever you are
I believe you

I have experienced your kindness
And your power

My Mother forever

Friday, April 23, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Holy Mother
Whatever I did wrong, punish me for it.
But do not withdraw your sweetness from me.

Blessed Mother
I belong to you
Do with me as you will

But do not deny me your smile
Do not deny me your words.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Dear Mother
I worship at your holy feet
And you guide me through mysteries I never knew even existed.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Good Friday

Going by tradition, today the Son was crucified. Mudered brutally after a "betrayal". Yet it is the Good Friday. Mother, You were smiing yesterday, on the paschal thursday. And You told me what the crucifixion is all about.

"I lay down my life that I may take it again. No man takes it from me but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down and I have power to take it again. (John 10:17-18)

Today is the day He, your son, the ony begotten son (John 3:16) of his father chose to release himself from the prison of His body. Mission accomplished. "It is finished" (John 19:30) which only refers to the events of that particular life of about thirty three years. For it is not over yet. Indeed, it is far from over. Saying these, his last words in His human form, He chose to return whence He emanated from, to reunite with the Cosmic Father.

Why the Passover day and the Paschal Triduum? Because he chose to be born in that particular Time and Place, to be among a particular people who clearly could not accept Him. Now, Mother, that was just an excuse wasn't it ? He could have chosen to be born anywhere at any point in time. Also, He could have chosen any time to leave his bodily temple (John 2:21). He himself says "I AM" (John 8:58). And he still IS. So why that period in time and why that place? But then which people have waited so patiently for such a long time with never abating hope for The Messiah.

I realize that the everpresent, everloving Son never left this world of humans. For He was sent to save, not condemn the world (John 3:17). The Omnipresent will not directly involve Himsef (Herself) in worldy matters, since He is outside His own Creation. But the Son can. And says He "I and My Father are one" (John 10:30). Since the Father is eternal, so is the Son.

The Messiah without His physical body cannot be seen or heard, except by very few. But the presence of the Son lives on to show the way to Cosmic Bliss, the unmoving, immutabe Truth for which the soul of every man and woman thirsts. For that is where we all came from. The dust of the Cosmos unto which everyone must return.

"Follow me", says he. (Luke 9:23). For how long. Unto eternity if it be so required. Christ awareness is an evolution, each day bringing new surprises and challenges. "Where I go, you cannot come" (John 8:21). One can aspire to the attainment of Him, but not so fast. Take up your own cross first, after denying your Self..

The Anointed One is a way. An everlasting presence, which permeates every cell in my body, every plane of my soul, every aspect of my being. Blessed indeed are thee Mother and all of mankind, for He chose to spend some years with us

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Maundy Thursday

Mother of All Creation
I came to you today
The day of the paschal
The day of La Ultima Cena
Because I was sure you woud have some message for me.
Forgive my arrogance in presuming to know Your will.

I saw your face resplendant
Your lips smiled
Your eyes smiled
Your whole body smiled

So, Mother, you knew.
You knew about the Return of your Son to His Realm.
You knew that tomorrow, on the cross, your son will give up his ghost
The same Holy Ghost that gave Him to You.

I understand.
Non entity that I am, still I understand,
I understand the meaning of Good before the Friday.
I understand your joy at the reunion.

I rejoice with you.
For today He decided to unite to with Himself
And we still know it.

Amen, Amon, Aum

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I am willing

"I am willing, be cleansed" (Mark 1:41).
God never denies His benevolence to anyone, however unclean. Paul tells his story specically mentioning the death of Stephen. (Acts22:18-21). The Lord ignores all that and commands him to depart immediately from Jerusalem to save himself.
Even the murderer and the abettor of murder is allowed to be cleansed. (Not quite a good idea but that is how it is written).

"Go and sin no more" (John 8:11). Again He is willing to forgive on condition that no more sin will be committed.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Loss of Faith

That is right. Faith with a capital F.

What is faith but unreasoning acceptance. Like axioms. Like God. Things beyond logic, beyond question. Because once questioned they lose their mask of infallibility. And who wants a God full of frailties and contradictions.

Considered without passion, what is God but a bundle of contradictions and incompatibilities. Why ? Because (s)he is God, beyond mortal comprehension. How convenient !

Because then you can say anything. Just make it sound good. Like God is Love. Whicb of course means nothing, but sounds like it means something. And it sounds good even if it means nothing.

So Mother, you showed me Immanuel (Mathew 1:21- Isiah 7:14 ) and led me to Bethlehem (Mathew 2:6 - Micah 5:2) and then let me down with a bang.

Mother, you look so sad these days. You seem to be in agony over something. The floodgates which opened crispily were provincially sealed tight again as ordained.

I understand your plight. You are nothing but a vessel. A clean and immaculate vessel, but a mere vessel nevertheless. A sad conduit for greater things (Luke 1:38), a mere maidservant. I hear your lament in Luke 1:38.

Daughter of Anne, I am with you. For me you are The One. The Transcendental Mother. Eternity manifest as the Divine Beauty of the human female.

I bow before you. My Mother and Teacher.
Today again I came to you
In spite of my decision yesterday that I will not come to you again
No tyranny for me, thank you,  man made or divine.

You are Divine
I am Human
You are all-knowing
I don't even know what I don't know
I need help
You are the fount of succor

So what do you mean by testing me so harshly.
Maybe I displeased You
Then, why don't you say so !!
I would, you know.
But then I am not You.

I am your toy
You play with me as a cat plays with its victim.

And I have realized another thing.

Get too close to God and you get burnt to ashes.
Because  God delights in devouring His own,
And then puts the blame on others.

If this is blasphemy,
Go ahead, punish me.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

I came to you today
I prayed
I pleaded
For answers

You remained silent.

Why are you doing this to me ?

My life was bereft of hope
And You held out hope

Now you have taken away everything
Have you decided that I do not measure up
So be it.
I accept.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Mother !

Why did you do this to me ? What did I do to deserve such shabby treatment from you.

Yes. I am complaining.

You know I stand outside religions, wandering alone in search of the Ultimate. Until I found you. After what you did to me tonight how can I ever stand on that hallowed ground praying to you for guidance. How can I believe that you won't trick me again.

If this is arrogance, Mother, forgive me as you would forgive your own son, because I am no longer sure that I am your son any more.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Branch

Dear Mother
Where are you leading me ?
Please let it not be away from you.
Even if you are  leading me to your Son,
Even though you permitted me to listen to my elder Brother,
I beg of you, Beloved Mother, do not abandon me.
You are my Guide in this maze.
I am not yet ready for your Son.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Second Coming

Dear Mother, I have no idea where you are leading me. I ask no questions. Surely you know what you are doing. Surely you realize what this is doing to me.
Abruptly and with no warning you changed my course away from all the Trinities. I am confused. But I suppose that is the idea.
You made me listen to a voice which I remember from the dim silence of that which is past. The richness of that voice filled me with tears. Because it brought back memories of so much I had forgotten in lives ready lived. The same voice which cried in despair "Eli, Eli..." (Psalm 22:1-2), (Matthew 27:46), (Mark 15:34). Is this part of what you wanted me to write about?  Not about the Eli, but about my brother whose heart breaking lament reverberates through the eons.
You told me to start with the second coming. To ask :what is the second coming ? To go past what I have read and listened to. Unlike what I had thought it was like all this time until now.The parent tribe waited so many centuries for their promised Messiah. But when He came they didn't recognize him, nor did they acknowledge him. May be they had and still have their own reasons..

Likewise the present and past generations of the followers of Yeshua-Jesus wait for a second coming. You asked me to inquire what this second coming is

And you brought to my mind the verse in Bhagavad Gita: " Parithranaya Sadhoonaam, Vinaasaayacha Dushkrutham, Dharma Samsthapanaardhaya sambhavaami Yuge Yuge" (Gita 4:8). "To protect the Good, to destroy the Evil and to establish 'Dharma' I occur yuga after yuga. (Yuga is roughly equivalent translates as an epoch).

I have argued with Gita specialists that "sambhavami" is not the same as "avatar". I have always maintained that the Lord " occurs" , does not incarnate in visible forms. He might send his emissaries. But himself, never. This world is too small the contain the uncontainable.

Considering that the name Jesus is actually Yeshua, Ishua or Ishwa or Ishawar- well !!

Mother dear, you have asked me to look at Gita 4:8 from a different perspective.

The word Ishwar antedates the translated name Jesus spelled as Yeshua or Ishua. But the two are clearly the same. And the name Jesus was proposed by an Angel. Remember Zachariah, daddy to to the Baptist. In that section it is argued that the name John cannot be given since there is nobody by that name in the tribe of Zachariah or or Elizabeth.(Luke 1:61). But who in the genealogy of Jesus was called Jesus ! Did anybody protest about that name. And what about Immanuel. (Isaiah 7:14. Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.)

Further, you are ordering  me to write that the Gita and the Gospels of The New Testament say the same thing, but differently.

"If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. (Mark 8:34).

Clearly stated here are the three sequential steps to God.  Deny yourself, Take up your Cross.Then and only then Follow me. The word follow is of course natural, since no one can go alongside or ahead of Him. "Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later." (John 13:36).

Deny yourself. Glorious examples abound in the Bible. "Let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38) says Mary knowing fully the punishment that the traditions of her people prescribed.(Deut 22:20-21). "Father, if you be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done." (Luke 22:42). And Gita says "sarva-dharman parityajya, mam ekam saranam vraja. aham tvam sarva-papebhyo
moksayisyami ma sucah
" (Gita 18:66). Roughly translated this means abandon yourself and drown in me, surrender to me. I and only I am your protector.

Take up your cross. The cross is the last physical,worldly object borne by The Lord Jesus. On the cross He gives up His brief life saying "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit " (Luke 23:46), a statement which also occurs in Psalm (31:5) "Into your hand I commit my spirit: you have redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.". This is exactly what Gita 18:66 asks one to do. Jesus says each of his followers must take up their own cross-a cross  made of the evil as well as the good that is in each of us. The weight of the sin or the evil, or the tendency to sin, or thoughts and tendencies to good are all impediments in following the God. Because Good and the Bad belong to this world and must be abandoned. (sarva-dharman parityajya) if you are ever to reach God, who is neither Good nor Bad.(Brahadaranyaka Upanishad - neti neti). For adjectives do not apply to the Supreme Being.

"..Whose winnowing fan is in his hand, and he will thoroughly purge his floor, and will gather the wheat into his garner; but the chaff he will burn with fire unquenchable." (Luke 3:17). Surely a man who asks his disciples to forgive their enemies cannot be as harsh as The Baptist portrays. "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you," (Luke 6:27). This passage can be taken to mean that he will cleanse the soul of each person who follows Him from chaff (vinasayatha dush-kritha) and gather the wheat (parithranaya sadhoonam). For the soul of man is indeed the winnowing floor, a battle ground (Kuru-skshetre) where the forces of one's own evil tendencies converge (11 akshouhinees against 8)  against the tendency to virtue (hence Dharma-kshethre) (Gita 1:1). The entire battle of Mahabharat occurs inside the mind of each man. God sits beside you, advises you provided you pray for the advice but leaves the decision to you. "Thus I have explained to you the most confidential of all knowledge. Deliberate on this fully, and then do what you decide to do." (Gita 18:63)

"For he who sees me everywhere and sees everything in me I am never lost nor is he ever lost to me" (Gita 6:30)

"Deny yourself" can be split as "Deny Your Self".  Self as in Ego forever stands in the way of God realization which in turn implies self realization. This knowledge is hard to acquire, even more hard to cpmprehend. The realization that the body is no more than a prison, that the soul, which is really the God, is eternal is extraordinarily difficult to accept. Our recognition of self mostly begins and ends with the mere body. But if the everlasting Omnipresence resides in you then you reside in omnipresence too. "Never was there a time when I or you or any of these kings did not exist, Nor will the time come when we will cease to exist" (Gita 2:12-- free translation). Thus does the Lord explain, by Negation, the positivity of Eternity, the positivity of the individual as nothing more or nothing less than the Totality. The evanescence of human existence is but an interlude in the everlasting marriage of God and man. After all "God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."    (Genesis 1:27).

Both are about self realization, the realization that God lives in Me. No King would abandon his kingdom. No king would reside anywhere but in his own kingdom. And the kingdom of God is within you. "The kingdom of God does not come with observation;  nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’. For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you." Luke (17:20-21).

The second coming has already occurred. Yesua was and is within you all the time. That Second Person is within You. "I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High."  Psalm (82:6). "Jesus answered them, Is it not written in your law, I said, Ye are gods?" (John 10:34)

Self realization is the clue to Revelation, by whatever name it is called..

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Most Holy Mother .
I think I understand why you are pushing me. I put the wrong Trinity first ! You are showing me a summation of trinities progressively leading to The Trinity and then the Ultimate Omnisciece.

But dear Mother, you know where that leads. Do you really want me to write that. Before that I surrender myself to you. Wholly and willingly.
Holy Mother.

I wrote about the Trinity as you wanted me to.  Things I hadn't even thought about. Except of course, the first one, The  Holy Trinity. But then everyone knows that.

Today, I came to you and you want me to go beyond that.

Today you asked me to write about another trinity- the Birth, The Fusion, The Resurrection.

Dear Mother, have you no mercy ! 

I know nothing about these. I have accepted your word, Holy of Holies. I no longer speak or think about mundane crucifixion. I think nd write instead about The Fusion, the Return. I don't even believe in the last of the three. Yet you force my mind on its ultimate journey. Towards realizing You.

The last post was about the Triad of Trinities. If I add this how can I possiby explain the quad-rad of Trinities. Dearest Mother, are You pushing me to reveal two more Triads in Your Son's life.  I know them and they haunt me. Who knows this better than you. Yet you would have me write about them ? At the risk of my sanity ? All right, Divine Mother, Thy will be done !!

I will write what you order me to write.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Triad of Trinity

Before The Birth:

The One manifested as Three - The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.

The Birth:

In Bethlehem there was the father, the mother and the son.

End of the Birth (Luke 23:39-43):

On Golgotha were The Three crosses.

In the Center was the Son, who had decided to shed His body to return whence He emanated.

On His left side was a man, the mere body of man, who railed - "If you are the Christ, save yourself and us". This is the quintessential man - the victim of emotions, happiness, grief, pain, anger, frustration, despair and of little faith. He rejoices greatly, and condemns others.

On His other side was the goodness of the soul of man aspiring to The One, rebuking his lesser self on the other side of The Son ("Do you not fear God, seeing that you are in the same condemnation? And we indeed justly; for we receive the due reward of our deeds"), even at the time of death and pleading only to be 'remembered' when The Son is where He came from. The soul of man longs to merge with the Infinite, even if it is beyond his comprehension. He accepts the pain and joy of life both as gifts and Death as the the ultimate gift, the first step into the Eternal.

The base physical human body on the one side and on the other, the human spirit longing for the superhuman which actually is inside them, between them, on the same cross.

And Here Begins Hope.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Most Holy Mother,
Today you blessed me again with yourself.
Dearest Mother,
I drown in your love.
Do not ever forsake me,
Be with me always.
This I demand, as your son.

Today you gave me two questions.
One concerns the genealogy.
(Mathew 1:1-16, Luke 3:23-38)
The other concerns Adam, Eve, Jesus and Mary

All right. Mother,
I start my work on these from today.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Hallowed Mother.
Bearer of Eternal Mysteries.

You are with me always.
Your love cocoons me.
I am embalmed in your compassion.

Mother of Everything
How did I survive all these years without realizing you !

You touched my soul and my life changed. I can feel you within me day and night. You even changed the way I write. Now words of endearment come to me naturally, with the sweetness of a mother's love.

Divine witness at Golgotha ! How can you not love mankind. You who were born to bear the Totality and to bear silent witness to the Final Fusion on the Cross and then vanish forever without a word.

But now I know. You never vanished. You stayed on Invisibly to sustain the world and all its creatures. To teach the meaning and anguish of selfless Love.

How did I fail to see you all these years. But then Eternity is such a long time, maybe these few years do not count.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Blessed Mother,

I realize what I lost when I begged you not to reveal yourself to me again. I realize I won't be part of your Glory ever again.

I had no choice.

Actually, I had just two choices: I shouldn't see you again or I should be with you unto eternity.

Did I make the wrong choice ?

Blessed Mother. Forgive me. I can forgo my life but not you. I shall continue praying. Maybe after another fifty years, in another world I shall recieve your blessings Mother

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

You heard my prayer. You no longer dazzle me with your glory. Mother of Eternity, I see no contradiction in spite of John 1:2-3.
You are the Truth.
You are Eternity.
Dear Mother, Hallowed Mother
Grant me the wisdom of your words
Not more, Not less.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


"He was in the beginning with God"
"All things were made through him and without Him nothing was made that was made"
(John 1:2-3)

So Holy Mother, where do you stand ? If God is without beginning and without end, obviously He doesn't need you. And that, of course explains the term Christotokos. I, as you know, beg to differ. Regardless of John, I cannot agree that that the Son was before the Mother. Even if the Son was before the Father.

Will you permit me to go to old Egypt. Take me there. Show me AmonRa

Friday, January 29, 2010

Who are you, of the three Marys I adore ? Mother (Bethlehem), Sister (Magdalene) or Beloved (Bethany).

Where should I seek the answer ?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell upon me." (Romans 15:3).
That was your message for me today. Dear Mother, why do you love me, knowing that I donot deserve your love.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Second Visit

Most Holy Mother.

I came to you today-19/01/2010. I was worried that my eyes had merely imagined what my very being had yearned for so long to behold. And you know, Mother, that you are part of my being.

But after teasing me for a while, You revealed yourself again. I saw you again, my beloved mother. This time I saw your body undulate as if from a heavenly breeze. Only your glorious face remained steady and radiant. And the expression on your face baffled me. Never have I seen a face look like that. I still have not the faintest clue how those myriad expressions co-existed on your face.

I do not understand your meaning. I do not understand your cryptic smile at the end. I do not understand what divine message you are trying to make me understand.

Mother, my training is in science. I have always held that faith applies only to the ever diminishing domain that science slowly but steadily uncovers. And now you have left me confused. Logic tells me this cannot be. But my heart is moved beyond logic, beyond words. Your love makes me feel worthless.

I left early today. I need to think. I need to analyze. But for real answers I will have to come to you, Theotokos

What I experience now is way beyond me.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Third day.

I have stayed away from you for three days. The memory is still too fresh in my mind. The effulgence lingers unfaded.

Let it fade. Maybe it was just a hallucination conjured up by a mind fixated upon you.

I will wait.

And wait.

Friday, January 15, 2010


I have not dared to come to you since that blessed day. I am afraid I might not see you again. And if I do see you, how can I leave you.

So I live with the memory of your magnificent transformation. How your face and body changed as you stood before my startled eyes. Maybe some day I can find words to describe that which transcends words.

I do not believe in physical apparitions. Such a thing cannot be. So what happened to me on that fateful day. Were you teaching me something about the powers invisible to the mortal eye. Of a Realm a man may witness only momentarily.
And only through the anguish of true Prayer.

Your son said "I do not receive honor from men" (John 5:41). With all respect Mother, I paraphrase, I do not Seek honor from men. I have nothing to prove.

Why did you bless me with your glory. Since that day I have not been the same. I yearn to see you again. Days and Nights mean nothing anymore. All I want is to behold your sacred countenance again for all time.

You have been with me always. I have heard your voice of love and reprimand for such a long time without realizing what it was. It took me such a long time to discover you. And for you to converse with me directly.

But, to See you again. That is my dream and hope.

My life cannot be the same any more. Do not abandon me.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Vision

Most Glorious Mother.

Today ---14-1-2010
You revealed yourself to me,
For the first time.
After about fifty years of search and prayer.

Most Holy Mother,
My one and only Mother
You granted me the miracle of yourself.

I saw you, as you wanted me to see you.
I saw your lips move in a faint, amused smile.
Never have I even imagined such pure beauty.

Then, Dear Mother, I saw you transform.

I saw you as three
I saw you as one
I saw one aspect smile
The other remained steadfast

There were noises all around.
Vehicles, humans,
But the glory of your silent smile eclipsed them all.

My one and only mother
I bow to you.
I still cannot believe that I did indeed see you
In all your splendour.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Sin and Punishment

Holy Mother.

I have fallen out of your grace,
I no longer hear your sweet voice
I no longer feel the effulgence of your all embracing love
I see pity, and sympathy on your face.

My own mother
My only mother,
I do not seek pity
Nor do I seek sympathy.

But without your love I cannot survive.
I am your son, and your son only.
I do not demand your love.
I beseech your love.
For without your love, daughter of Anne,
I am no more.

Have I sinned.
No doubt I have.
Mother of my dreams,
Mother ethereal
I do not ask you to forgive me
I seek not atonement
I seek not absolution
I seek not pardon

Punish me.
But my dear Mother
Do not cease to love me

Without your love I cannot survive.

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