Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Follow Me

"Follow Me" (John 1:43).
That is what you ordered me today. That is the third straight command from you on "following".
And every time it has been the same- Follow me.
I have been trying to do that for ages.
Tell me how, Rabbi.
I know. Deny myself, Take up my cross and Follow You. (Matt 16:24) I know that routine.
I have denied myself. My cross has long been on my shoulders.
The part which remains and which baffles me  is following you.
And today is the third day you have ordered me to follow you.
How am I supposed to do that, Rabbi.
What does it mean- Follow me?
All this time and up to this time I thought I knew what it means and now you and our holy mother have revealed to me  that I know not, that "follow me" beckons to the depths of my ignorance.
You were looking at me when you gave that peremptory order, that order from across eons which would brook no denial.
I have seen the severity of your gaze and I do not wonder that the traveler to Damascus fainted on hearing your voice. The sonorous voice I have listened to with awe.
But I am no longer afraid.
Tell me the meaning of "Follow me".
And follow you, I shall.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

The Second Day

Today you were more benign.
I did see you
But You chose not to frighten me.
And the Mother,
She too was all  smiles

And you took me to John 17:4.
What do you mean by "finished the work you gave me to do" ?
It is not over, rabbi
If it were over why am I still a sinner?
Why have people forgotten to love their enemies?

And the question I asked you yesterday
The question which infuriated you
Remains unanswered.
When will you tell me why you chose the path of suffering,
You who are part of god, and full of power.
I know the standard answers, Brother, but that is not enough
For I know that those answers are only partly right.

Maybe some day, you will regard me as worthy of the true answer.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

The Visitation

The Visitation

Rabbi and Brother
Today I saw you.
You have spoken with me before.
And I know your voice.
You have guided me before.
More than you, so has our forlorn Mother.
But today was utterly different.
The ancient crucifix in my hand worked miracle after miracle.
And I, Rabbi, had to run away,
Frightened of all that you were about to reveal.
No, Brother.
I now  know that I am not yet ready.
I now know that cup is not yet full.
I am not yet ready to see my most holy mother suckle you
But you chose to show me that,
And so did She.
And your divine face
Why did you choose to reveal yourself so blatantly
I cannot think of a worse description than that.
I saw fire in your eyes one moment and never ending sadness the next.
I saw your bearded face
Blazing one moment and crimson the next.
Most Holy brother,
I plead with thee
I am not yet ready
May be I shall never be ready.
Be merciful, like you are supposed to have said to those disciples
Maybe someday,
Maybe after I have shed this prison of flesh and bone
And blood and dung and mucus
Maybe then I shall be ready to understand what you are telling me now.
But till then
The fire in your eyes,
The limitless sadness in your eyes.
Maybe I am crazy, nuts, whatever.
But I saw you and I saw our beloved and holy mother,
And I cannot bear that vision.
I plead with you, dearest Brother
I beg of you,
Spare me.
Our Mother revealed to me once that I did not choose her but that she had chosen me.
Are you choosing me now?
" Follow me".
Is that your order?
But Rabbi, that path I did choose long ago.
Do you always frighten your followers?

Friday, July 20, 2012

The Lonely Birth and Death

Can you see the maiden, barely sixteen and  man trudging wearily in search of safety. Can you see the child lying in the manger.
Can you see the the cross?

Saturday, July 14, 2012


I can think of myself in my mind as existing. I can think of you as existing at least in my mind. I can think of the collective of all great people as existing in my mind. I go further and assume that I can also assume an entity greater than all this. The greatest I can imagine in my mind. If the greatest such being is possible for me to imagine in my mind, then it must be true that this entity also exists in reality outside of my mind. For if he did not then there must be entities greater than himself.

Therefore God exits. Devious argument, at best.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Dualism of the Mother

Explain the dual nature of the Blessed mother who is simultaneously
1. Virgin and Mother
2. Mother and Daughter: Theotokos taken together with John 1:1-3
3. Mother in pain at birth and witnessing death with pain

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Today there was discussion on two things:
1. Omnipotence and Omniscience of God vs Right and Wrong
2. God being both the Creator and the Created.

To the second  I answered with the example of my Mother, who " bore within herself her own creator", and quoted John 1:3.
To the first I explained the meaning of sin, specifically  citing the instance of Judas Iscariot.

More about this later.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

The Unknown Woman

I am like the unknown lady who bled for twelve years
And was healed by a mere touch of your robe.

How she must have suffered is known only to her.
How she was healed is known only to you.
Where she went after that is not known to anybody.

She had only heard you preach. 
Her need was so great 
She dared to touch your robe without permission.
She was scared and she trembled.
She was honest and did not hide when you called.

" Someone touched Me; I know that power has gone out from Me"

She was not reprimanded.
Instead, Rabbi, You told her,
"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace".

Have you called anybody else "Daughter" ?
This nameless believer was blessed with that fond title.

Faith can move mountains. 
It can also heal. 
It can also raise people from the dead.

I pray to you, Rabbi
And I dare to touch the unseen hem of your robe
For my soul has bled for eons.

I pray to you, Rabbi
Not for myself.
I pray to you for all creation

For all this is your handiwork,
For you were from the beginning.

Mark 5:25-34, Luke 8:43-47

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The word came and dwelt among us

Today I wanted to ask you something, Rabbi, but you threw this one at me :

"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us".John 1:14. This is a simple and powerful statement. In John 1-1 the Word is not actually named. It is however described as coincident with the Lord and Creation."The word was with  God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made." John 1:3. One must therefore presume a simultaneous dichotomy as well as unity of the Word with  the Creator. "Word was with God, and the Word was God." 

And this Word became flesh and dwelt among mortals. Being confined to a mortal frame He had to choose a time and space for the incarnation. 

Why should the Word come and dwell among us? Are we worthy of such close attention from God ? Close enough to send part of Himself (. Apparently we are. "He who has ears, let him hear" says Mat11:15. Revelation 2:7 goes further - "'He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, I will grant to eat of the tree of life which is in the Paradise of God." In genesis, the Lord specifically forbids the tree of knowledge. having eaten of the Tree of knowledge the progenitors of mankind are forever exiled from the garden of God. And the Lord God said, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." (Genesis 3:22). And yet here in Revelation he gives grant to eat of the tree of life.

Says Revelation, this tree of life shall be made available to be partaken of. What more powerful statement can the incarnate Word make than to say that He has the power to bypass the injunction of the Lord who banished our progenitor. This is the Word that became flesh and dwelt among us. 

But why did the Word choose to dwell among us? Why should mankind be saved?  Maybe you will tell me some other time brother and Teacher. Till then, let me think about this.

John 1:14-18--.And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth.; we have beheld his glory, glory as of the only Son from Father. And from his fullness have we all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God, the only Son, who is in the bosom of the Father, he has made him known."

Saturday, April 7, 2012

The Resurrection.

Today you rose from the tomb.

How you rose must forever remain a mystery unless you choose to tell me Rabbi,  "for as yet they did not yet understand the Scripture, that he must rise from the dead" John 20:9. Neither do I. However from my background, life after death, resurrection and journeys to heaven and hell are not strange. But I still am baffled by Resurrection.

However that might be, you chose to re appear in the same body which had been scourged and crucified. That must have a terrible sight and yet Mary Magdalene had no hesitation. She believed. As did John. They did not need proof. Not so the others. Thomas was not alone in this disbelief.

I do not ask what you did from the time you gave up life till the time you came back again. But I do ask of you, Brother and Teacher, why did you resurrect yourself? What is the point? Your teachings stand by themselves, they do not need this. And yet I rejoice along with all those who do believe.

This is the day our mother is most happy. Because you are now flesh and blood and Spirit at the same time.

The resurrection is something I will have to wait to understand, for I was directed to You by our Mother. You are supposed to tell me. I am sure you will, although I don't know when.

Till then Ishwa, My Teacher and Brother, Glory to Thee. And I wait for you to speak again.

Psalm 16:10 - (David)
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption.


Friday, April 6, 2012

It is Finished.

"It is finished". John 19:30.

Indeed it is, Ishwa. Now the vigil begins. Brother.I went to many churches today evening. They were all closed. My dear rabbi, shouldn't they be open today and tomorrow? Not for me to question why, but I just do not understand. On that last day your disciples ran away. I use that word deliberately. That is what our Mother told me. John tarried and so did the brave ladies, our Mother, Magdalene, and maybe Mary of Bethany. They loved you beyond mere life, they were women. The woman who gave birth to you, the woman for whom you were  a brother and your companion.

But the valiant rock was nowhere to be seen. They were hidden, weren't they Rabbi. Scared of the Romans and the Sanhedrin and Caiaphas. And today, brother dear, the churches are closed.

I do not understand many things. Maybe there are secrets here that are beyond me. But today and tomorrow I will pray. I have no idea were you were after the stone was rolled in front of the mouth of the cave and till you appeared to Magdalene.

But I do know one thing. I am with you. I know, "Where I go, you cannot come". Fine. But if need be, I will perish trying.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

The Scourging

Today, at this moment you are probably back from Herod's place and in the violent arms of the soldiers.
The human body is frail and weak. 
But you had to assume the human form because for some reason God loves humans more than pigeons.
And has counted every hair on each head.

And Ishwa, today you told me why the scourging and the extreme violence done to your body was necessary.
The human body and the mind trapped inside it is capable of anger and grief  and could weep as well as love. These are emotions. And he who would sit with God cannot be victim to emotions. Because if God has emotions then God is not perfect and God is perfect because otherwise God is not God at all. And you are the son of god. Yet the human frame compelled you to errors of judgement, may be, or errors of thought, maybe. You only hinted at that, my beloved brother and teacher. I realize fully that what I said just now is heresy ! And the body had to be punished, taught that it cannot go unaccountable.

My good and kind teacher, if you had so chosen then you could have chosen so very differently. And yet you chose this way and this truth and this life.

Tomorrow I must witness your choice of the end. maybe after that you will tell me what resurrection is all about.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


Today you went to Gethsemane. And leaving Peter and others behind you followed your own advice- you prayed alone. Today the final stones were rolled, the avalanche has started. It was beyond control now. Maybe you could have gotten away, but that was not part of the plan. Then you need not have annoyed so many powers so many times in so many ways. You wanted to end it this way. A little drama always helps. But this was not drama. This was real. The mortal body was to be shed. And it was to be shed fearfully, and in great agony. The darkness of the garden hid the human in you, the human pleaded to have the cup taken away, but only if the giver of the cup was so inclined. Didn't you mean the cup of life? That the cup of life be removed finally, so that you may rejoin the glorious father. After all, nobody before you had dared to call God "Father". That was your prerogative.  This was your choice, you exercised your choice. Judas was but a pawn, so were  Caiaphas, Herod, Pilate. So were the soldiers. This was a choice you made.
You were alone in the midst of the multitude. For there are are no companions on the cross.
Brother, I behold thee. Full of sorrow, deserted by all but a few. But Resolute.
But until you tell em I cannot know more.

Monday, April 2, 2012

Hallowed Mother

You heard my prayer.
You no longer dazzle me with your glory.
Mother of Eternity, I see no contradiction in spite of John 1:2-3.
You are the Truth.
You are Eternity.
Dear and  Hallowed Mother
Grant me the wisdom of your words
Not more, Not less.

Mother of Everything

You are with me always.
Your love cocoons me.
I am embalmed in your compassion.

Mother of Everything
How did I survive all these years without realizing you !

You touched my soul and my life changed. I can feel you within me day and night. You even changed the way I write. Now words of endearment come to me naturally, with the sweetness of a mother's love.

Divine witness at Golgotha ! How can you not love mankind. You who were born to bear the Totality and to bear witness to the Final Fusion on the Cross and then vanish forever, without a word.

But now I know. You never vanished. You stayed on Invisibly to sustain the world and all its creatures.

How did I fail to see you all these years. But then Eternity is such a long time, maybe these few years do not count.

Most Holy Mother

"The Spirit of truth whom the world cannot receive , because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. " (John 14:17)

The triad of days

Dear Brother. I address you as brother, being born of the same father and the same mother. And also as my brother in spirit.

There is nobody here now, but you and me and of that You are the Reality and I the Illusion. Speak freely with me. This is my request. And my prayer.

Let me try to understand what you told me today. Because I did indeed hear you with my soul. The same voice that has spoken to me earlier, at least on two occasions. I know your voice so well, reverberating across eons and millennia.

So on Sunday (of the palm) you entered Jerusalem. After three days, on Thursday, (or was it Wednesday) came the last supper. Three days later, on Sunday occurred the resurrection. I maybe wrong with the days but I am sure I am right about their meaning.

You went to the city deliberately planning to annoy the powers in charge. You have said so yourself. You knew how the events would unfold, you told your disciples, you even told them the instrument that would bring about the event. And in Gethsemane you asked the Father that if  it pleased him,  remove the the cup (Luke 22:42). Surely you knew and were fully aware of what would unfold shortly.

So I base myself on yourself. On your own words as you told me. The days were chosen to fall three days apart. A trinity of days, another remarkable trinity of all the trinities that surround you. You must have chosen the days yourself, for who else can choose them for you. And you chose to discard the human frame and now comes the question that still leaves me baffled. Why did you choose to resurrect? You assumed the same blood stained body. The same wounds. Why? You must have known that many Thomases would not believe mere verbal testimony. Not many are capable of such love as Mary Magdalene, who did not for a moment doubt. Her attempted embrace was one of adoration and You told her that is not necessary. But Thomas, you asked to feel the bleeding wounds for himself. I do not know if he actually did feel them. So the followers were of three kinds- those whose mind accepted you with no question what so ever (Mary Magdalene), those who believed ardently once it was proved to them (Thomas and later Saul), and thirdly those who were neither Marys nor Thomases.

My Brother and Lord, You have more secrets for me, I asked you some today. Answer me if I am worthy.

After all, I was sent by our Mother.

Thursday, March 29, 2012


Why did you take three days to come back? Why not on the same day or the next? Is it another way of explaining the trinities of your life. Let me see. You knew all  along what was going to happen.You knew and even told the disciples what was going to happen and who would be the instrument. You could have gotten away but chose to end it the way it ended. And then you waited for the third day.

I ask you this from my mother's side. You need to tell me brother. I need to know. And you must tell me about the miracles, all the miracles you performed. Is it because without miracles people wouldn't have believed you, taken your message seriously.  But did they, even after all the miracles.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Jesus Rises

Jesus Rises

On the crucifix, with the two men on either side of him Jesus says to one of them: "Before the day is over you will be with me in paradise".(Luke 23:43). Herein lies the clue to Resurrection.

Jesus is crucified. He speaks to the man next to him, the man who said to him " Lord remember me when you come into your kingdom" (Luke 23:42). About three hours later Jesus surrendered his soul unto the Father. Three days later he rose from the dead and emerged from the tomb.

The resurrected body of Jesus was the same which was taken down from the cross, with all the wounds and marks. The body was physical and could be touched, although we do not know  if Thomas actually followed the instructions from Jesus in John 20:27 to tocuh his wounds, something Mary of Magdalene was apparently not permitted to do. But, unlike Tomas, Mary Magdalene did not need to touch the body to be convinced, because she never doubted who it was. It was Rabboni. Maybe she was not forbidden to touch the body, but only told that she should wait. And yet this body could pass through a locked door (John 20:26).

How does this resurrection differ from all the resurrections from dead mentioned in the bible, especially that of Lazarus and Tabitha. No mention is made of the final end of Lazarus or Tabitha. But Luke (24:52), Mark (16:19), Acts (1:9-10) mention the ascension of Jesus into heaven.(Mark).

For one thing the rising of Lazarus and Tabitha involved a physical invocation by a human agency ( Jesus and Peter). The New Testament is silent about the last moments of Lazarus and Tabitha, whether they uttered any words and if so what.  In the case of the crucified Jesus there were two humans crucified along with him. One reviles Jesus, the other begs him to remember him once he is joined with his father. At this point Jesus assures him that before the day is over he will be with Jesus in paradise (apparently this is not the same as heaven, as a friend of mine pointed out Jesus spent time in the hell for forty days-why does forty keep recurring?).

From the time Jesus said this till the time he passed away there was darkness. He, by his own words went to his Father. The father is God. God is in his kingdom. And the kingdom of god is "within you"(Luke 17:21). Therefore Jesus went into the hearts and souls of men, as he told the good man crucified along with him. For "you shall be with me" is the same as "I shall be with you".  The cave in which he was buried is the heart of man. He spent the next three days (or forty days), inspiring goodness in the heart of men, all men because he did not go into just one man. Once the heart is cleansed and the soul is wiling to accept the Christ, he resurrects.

This resurrection is not merely the resurrection witnessed by Mary of Magdalene. The resurrected Yeshua is the spirit dwelling within the cleansed soul of men. This is a spiritual resurrection of the soul of every man and woman who accepts the spirit of the son of man within himself. And it occurs every day, every moment. Resurrection is the rising of one's own soul from the depths of darkness after Jesus has cleansed it.

The two days he spent within the grotto of our soul is eternity. For if it terminates, then goodness ends. The Resurrection is an everlasting promise by the son of man that the True Follower  will never be abandoned by God. You shall be with me before this day is over. This day could be any day, for death hides behind every moment. And Jesus says he shall be with us before our day is over. Not His day, for that day can never be over. The Word which was from the beginning can never cease to be. There Jesus cannot ever cease.

The Resurrection is the message to all men that if only you would accept the son of man, he would gladly dwell in your soul. He would gladly partake of your mortality. And be not afraid, because before this day is over you shall be with me. As I am within you always.
With the passing of millennia and the literal reading of the holy scripture, the spiritual meaning of Crucifixion and Resurrection has been lost in the drama of a physical resurrection. (explain Rabboni).

Monday, March 5, 2012


Lazarus was raised from the dead by Jesus.(John 11:43). Jesus rose from the tomb. And Peter raised Tabitha from death (Acts 9:40)
What is the difference between the resurrection of Jesus and the other resurrections in the New Testament.
In the case of Lazarus and Tabitha a direct physical intervention by a human order was needed (for the moment we consider Jesus the man). In the resurrection of Jesus however only divine powers were involved. There was no direct human hand involved. One could say that Jesus was resurrected by God, which is Himself.
Why mention several resurrections in the old and new testaments when the resurrection of Jesus was so paramount. The reason is that only by the de novo resurrection of Jesus could the difference be demonstrated with stunning clarity, without any words. The son of man, and the son of god combines in the Christ to resurrect himself.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

The Nail

The Way of the Nail
He was nearly unconscious. All he could hear were muffled roars like distant thunder and he knew they were the people. His own people roaring for his blood. He couldnot see them. The blood caked on his eyes didnot allow vision.
He had been pushed down, on to something which felt like wood. Rough wood. The back of his head hit the wood hard and he winced. No sound escaped the clots on puffed lips. They had taken too many blows to feel such trivial pain.
He knew what was about to come. He wondered about the meaning of himself. Why? Why? There was no answer. The silence of eternity muffled the noises around him.
He felt the cold touch of the nail on his hand. Almost like a caress. he knew what would happen next. The kiss of the nail as it penetrated into his soul. But he was tranquil. He could feel no pain. Eli, why? I do not question you. But why?
The noises vanished, the sun and the sky disapperaed. There was only one reality-the burning in his hands. What is that? He realized instanlty-the cross. The first nail into the cross thorugh my hand. But why is there no pain ! Only the heavy ache of the metal forcing itself into his thin hand. The bones of the wrist were being crushed and he knew this. It is in the right hand. He realized with surprise that it hadn't occured to him till then- which hand would be the first to recieve the blessed nail. Here is the answer, he thought, it is the right hand which is crushed and nailed first.
He turned to look at the faithful hand which had held the staff for ... for how long? for eternity? Goodbye my friend, he wispered silently. You have served your purpose and I thank you. He tried to raise his left hand. But already it had been nailed into the wood. And I never even felt it ! He was amazed.Glory to you, my Father!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The truth

You called me suddenly.
As always, I obeyed.
You smiled as you always do,
And I knew why I was summoned.
Your most joyous days are coming.

The day your son,
My brother
Rejoined his father.
In the heaven whence He came
For the succor of all

Holy of Holies,
I know this.
I know this so well,
Because you have told me so often.
And always with this same glad smile.

Dearest Mother,
Your ways are now my secret too
You chose to include me in your embrace
I do not yet know why
And I seek not to know why

And yet
Without fail You call me
Year after glorious year
And without fail, I come
Until I can no longer come

And then I will be with thee
And thy son
And the father
And all will be with us
And I know this is the truth

The Lost Sheep

The Lost Sheep Once upon a time, long ago, there lived a shepherd. And he had one hundred excellent sheep. One of the sheep though good...